It's been awhile. I'm finally starting to find my voice again. You know what's worse than losing your family? Losing them twice. Unfortunately I am not allowed to be who I am and keep the family too.
I actually thought I could fight this battle against the Jehovah's Witnesses and win. I can't. But that doesn't mean I won't stop fighting. I'm happy they are going down in this child abuse scandal. Not happy that anything bad ever happened to any children, just happy other people are finding their voice, speaking out and telling the truth. We've all been silent for too long.
I'm extremely lucky that most of the family doesn't buy into that ideal and they support me. It's a little bit crazy that two people can influence your entire perception of life. Make you want to give up.
I lost the opportunity to be with the love of my life so I could try to get back to them. I guess I loved my mother and sister more than him. In all fairness, he hasn't come back in 5 years so I guess it's time to move on. From all of them.
At the end of the day, those people who won't love us? For each of them, there are so many others who will. It's easy to fixate on the rejection. Moving on doesn't mean we won't always love them. I'm stubborn that way and I'm sure a lot of us are. But I have people in my life who will always be there, always support me and always care. That's more than anyone could wish for.
My therapist asked me if I regretted my decision to try to get reinstated with the JWs, losing my love in the process. Looking back, I would say yes. But if I hadn't tried to do that, it may have been some dark cloud that hung out over my head for the rest of my life. Wondering what could have been.
Do I want to know the outcome of any big decisions I make in life? Yes and no. Part of the journey is making mistakes, bouncing back and choosing your own adventure. So far, despite the setbacks I'd say life is pretty exciting.
I'm writing again so stay tuned for tomorrow's post about my fabulous cousin who just moved to TO.
Sullivan out.
No comments:
Post a Comment