Yesterday was the perfect Toronto blizzard, and of course, as usual these days, I had plans to hit the Christmas Market with some dear friends. I'm sure some of you can relate, being alone in the big city, my adopted family really does mean the world to me. With everything that's been going on lately, when my ex's mom and kid dived in for the goodbye hug, I felt really happy. But then his mom leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and for a minute, I thought I might cry. I have no idea why these very normal, very well off, very successful people have adopted a messed up, lonely stray, who obviously is never getting back together with their son, but they did.
I woke up early this morning and thought, maybe I'll go to church again. But then I had a message from Google+ that my mother had added me to her circle. Looking at her profile pic, happily holding up the new JW Bible was enough to throw out church for yoga and then maybe a drink.
I'm happy for her, I am. But it seems my mommy issues know no bounds and God forbid I'm still dealing with this in another 10 years.
The Serenity Prayer says we should accept the things we cannot change, ask for courage to change the things we can and wisdom to know the difference. I made those tough changes and years of therapy, yoga and meditation, have brought me to a place that I can live in. But underneath it all, I still have rage nightmares over the things I cannot change. It's on an unconscious level, which is why I don't think I can fix it.
I was talking to one of my best friends this morning and she said things will even out and my next life will be perfect. Here's hoping...in the meantime, things are ok.
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