Lovie

As I locked the apartment door tonight after work and shopping and way too much cleaning, I had a thought. There are too many people who know I don't usually lock my door. They're the same people who know the front door code, so being proactive, I'm making a list of all the people who know the code, in case I end up murdered and my cat eats my face before anyone finds me. (please, please no open casket)

I'll keep the list in my desk at work, that way the murderer can't find it and take it home with them. (But you can find it and avenge my death.)

I think it would be prudent to also make a list of people I've dated (the ones whose names I remember anyway) because you can cross-reference that with the list of people who know the front door code, and that's where I'd start with the investigation.

I'm working on a third list, of all the homeless people who hang out on my block/in the park across the street, because one of them tried to attack me one night on the way home from school, so I don't trust them either.

But definitely start with the guys I've dated. I've put all of them through varying degrees of craziness, all perfectly proportioniate though to how much I knew we would eventually crash and burn. Being me, I can't get really hurt anymore so, it is what it is.

I tried to make a list the other day of all the guys who have floated in and out my life over the past two years. It almost shamed me because over the next couple of days I had to keep going back and adding people I had completely forgotten about. The majority of them? Good times, glad we both moved on. There have been those precious few though that were really great people. Unfortunately, at our age (27), goals, logistics, lifestyle, schedules, etc. all matter way too much. Some of the best guys I've met just didn't work out because things didn't line up for us in those categories.

I don't think we should view that as any kind of failure on anyone's part, instead we should be grateful for the experience and look back on it with a smile and with love.

So it didn't work out with us. That doesn't change the fact that I love you. You know who you are.