Comin' Home

“But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad." "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”

I was checking my blog stats today and I have to ask...what is with y'alls obsession with Stuart? I get it, I love him too, but besides Faith, Hope, Love I think he's my most popular post. Stuart's gone people, get over it. Sure, he calls me out of the blue every once in awhile from a cab in NYC or on a trip to Canadian Tire (apparently people who make insane amounts of money can get very frustrated by the cost of ladders for their yachts) but mostly, he's gone. Stuart's out, Jersey Shore is in, that's how life goes. I don't like it any more than you do, but I accept it, you should too. Jersey's way better for my career progression anyways, and that's why we go to work right? Not to see our fill-in dad and talk about our feelings. Although it is Father's Day this weekend and you can rest assured I'll be calling Stuart to say hi.

So yesterday was two weeks to the day until I get the hell out of here and head on home. I'm ready. The city is great, but I'm tired of all the people, the crowds, the pretentiousness. I recently took a day off work and spent it with a friend who is having a hard time. I love her, I do, and I am happy to support her through the hell she's going through right now. But Jesus Christ, her friends suck are not people I would choose to socialize with voluntarily. (Present company excluded.) I ended up on a patio in what can only be compared to the mad tea party from Alice in Wonderland. The guy to my left? I accidentally slept with him one night and I can't for the life of me understand why. Is he cute? Totally. And he knows it. Every word he said all afternoon made me wish I had a time machine and could go back in life and make different choices. The girl across from me? A (I want to say "hooker") lady whose "boyfriend" pays for her company. He drives a brand new Aston Martin though, so we all know he's compensating for something. Add in a few more people who I'm sure I shouldn't even mention on here and you have yourself a perfect afternoon in the suburbs. (Ps. I hate the suburbs. There is literally no way to get home, even if I knew where I was and how to do that.)

None of this really matters though, when pitted against the big issues in life, and I'm just happy that I get to pack a bag, get on a train/plane/automobile and go somewhere that I feel like Margaux and life makes sense again. Lindsay's mom died this week, and while we were talking about it the other day she asked me what would I do when my dad dies? Answer: I will lose my shit.

I'll probably just walk over to St. Mike's, voluntarily check myself in to my old favorite padded cell, and curl up. No stand offs with the cops this time, no getting handcuffed to a stretcher and dragged out of my apartment. (Sidenote: that cop asked me why I kicked him. He seemed like a nice guy. If he's reading my blog, I'm sorry about that. I know, I know, violence is never the answer.)

My dad is not going to die, but with Father's Day coming up this weekend, I have to say I've been really lucky. To have been afforded enough time to make everything alright. I lost my mom through this process, but I got my Dad back. Both of them are so important to me, but I have the peace of mind of knowing I did the hard work to turn myself back into a "JW" so mom can come back anytime she likes. Dad - I couldn't have got through the past 4 years without him. He's been my best friend and constant support. When I got disfellowshipped and was alone for a long time he called me every day to see if I was ok. (I wasn't.) If I was having a bad day, he'd call me twice. If it was a really bad day, 3 times.

Distance can be challenging, but in the end, if we really want to enough we can find ways to bridge that. Reflections on this week can be summed up in the fact that life is way too short. Losing people we love hurts more than we admit to ourselves or anyone else. At the end of the day, life is just a crazy tea party with the Mad Hatter. Duck out, get away from the people you know are never going to be all that important to you and call your Dad.

I love you Daddy. See ya really soon!