Courage, my love

Compassion is courage. Carl Jung once said: Perhaps I myself am the enemy who must be loved. It's possible that most of the time, the person we need to have the most compassion for is ourselves. 

I've been on a special kind of journey these past few years. The Buddhists preach four noble truths, the first of which is that suffering and pain are inevitable, part of life. I don't think this belief is pessimistic. I'm a romantic turned realist and accepting this truth, I believe will make us happier in the long run than trying to deny it, ignore it or change it.

We can't change it. We can't control it. It just is. Fortunately they also teach that everything is impermanent. I believe that's also true.

I spent Monday night at my sisters with three JW girls. It was surprisingly normal for the first time. There have been so many times over the past years that I almost gave up on this endeavour. Trying to find my way back to a family that shunned me for choosing a different path. My dad was always a cheerleader, he constantly gave me hope that someday it would all be worth it. And it was.

All families have their drama, their issues, their unsaid sadness and disappointments with each other. My brother and sister and I though, were always meant to get here, to that space where we could peacefully co-exist, love and support each other, even in our differences. After all, we are the same blood.

Wednesday night I went back to an even bigger JW party. I try really hard to be true to me and not change who I am for them but looking in the mirror before I left, I took off my cross necklace. It wasn't so I would fit in, it was so I wouldn't offend.

This will never be perfect. It was my birthday yesterday and I know now, at *27*, life as a whole will never be perfect. It's kinda sad actually, all those hopes and dreams of a younger, more naive you, were just illusions of grandeur that never materialized.

If you can wake up in the morning though, knowing that you're trying your best to be the best version of you possible, if you know that you can love and are loved, if you can find it in your heart to have compassion for those that hurt you, what more do we need? 

The scary world on the other side of growing up in a cult, has been the most welcoming place I've ever been. It's different, for sure, but it's very safe. If you want to change your life and aren't sure how to do it...take courage, my love. It takes a hell of a lot of time to get it right, but 5 years out, I wouldn't change any of it for the world. 

Except...just maybe, I'd love to actually be 27 again. :)

Sullivan out.