Orange is the new Black

I'll admit I'm late to the game on this one. I needed a new show though, (so says the girl without a tv), so I decided to try it. 

Like most of the things I've tried out on the outside, I like it. Adapting to life on the inside is really not all that different than going from the inside to being on the outside. 

You're shoved into this entirely new world, alone. It doesn't take long for your old friends to feel like strangers, they don't get you anymore and as much as you cock your head and squint, you don't get them either. It's not long before your mom is to completely unable to make any kind of connection with you. You're scared of everyone. They're so different from what you're used to. And it's completely terrifying.

The first guy I dated (bless his soul) was very patient with me. I'd only meet him in food courts and parks, somewhere I could be sure that if he tried to kill me, at least there would be witnesses. The first time he came over, I hid a really big knife in close proximity, lest he tried something. I forgot about it for awhile, and then when I found it one day, we had a really good laugh, but we both kinda knew I was the crazy one here.

These tv shows are slightly insane. But they are based on a reality that some of us can relate to. Three episodes in, I can't predict how this will end, but I feel like she's going to get to the point where the scary new reality becomes a comfortable place to be. 

If I had not found the kindness of strangers and decided to let them in, I don't know where I'd be right now. It's obvious I'm going through some kind of "thing", y'all can tell I'm not sleeping anymore, life is a little off. I'm backsliding. But I'm not having panic attacks either and I feel like it will all even out pretty soon. 

In the show she says: You know, I can't shake the feeling that at the end of the day, I'm gonna get to go home. Like in the morning, when I wake up, there are these few seconds where I don't realize where I am. And then I do realize. And I can't breathe. And I want to cry and throw shit and kill myself. When does that end?

Answer: I'll let you know. 

This morning, I woke up at 2, 3, 4 am. I was with Travis every time. It was so real, I could see how blue his eyes were and the lines around his face. And he refused to talk to me every single time. 

It does end, I'm sure of it. :) In the meantime, I'm so very happy I got out.


PS. I went from light blue to black, but I will never wear Orange. Unless I go to jail apparently. Which is still up for debate.