Ok this is the last sad, bleeding heart post I'm going to write for now. I know I haven't been my typical Pollyanna this weekend. Here I am, having another panic attack. I couldn't help but think it's fitting my heart always hurts when this happens.
One of my ex-best friends emailed me today. He asked for my phone number. I sent it to him but told him he was only allowed to use it if he promised not to call me up and tell me I'm going to die at Armageddon. He said that he always loved my honesty, and still does. And then I had a panic attack.
Merging the old life to the new life is not easy, and perhaps, may not even happen in the long run. All I know right now, is I can't breathe and my heart hurts.
I have a theory though. I haven't run it past Ross (best therapist ever!) so don't quote me on this. I'll ask him what he thinks on Friday. I'm a romantic, nostalgic, loyal, sensitive Pisces. Letting go of the past is not easy. But I kind of have, without really noticing it. It happened gradually, the way Sookie always seems to drift from man to man on True Blood. Picking up someone new while never completely letting go of the last one. (Vampires need love too!)
So here I am. With a great life, awesome friends, a good job. But it seems I'm terrified of letting go of the past. Probably mostly because I don't know who I am without it. And there are still a lot of people I miss out there. But Ross says they probably aren't happy either.
And he's right. I've been there, I've lived that life. Now, it's in the rearview mirror and if we stare into that too long, we just crash. But it's good to check in once in awhile. Just to reaffirm we're on the right course. And I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment