You complete me...?

Possibly one of the most famous movie lines of all time, when Jerry Maguire walks in to that room full of women and says it to Dorothy, we all believe in true love, even if only for a few minutes.

A little known secret and one of the most important things I've learned is that you don't actually need someone to complete you, you can complete yourself. Being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world, and I've been there. And apparently everyone wants to be there, all the time. The movie never ends with the girl deciding actually she's ok on her own, saying goodbye to the guy and going home to eat ice cream in her pj's because she's happy to be out of a mediocre relationship and excited for the unknown future.

Looking for love outside ourselves can often lead to disappointment and a broken heart because nothing in this world is constant. Even getting married or having a child doesn't guarantee you automatic love for the rest of your life. People get divorced, they move away, they die, and sometimes they just stop loving you.

Self love is something I've always struggled with. I think most of us do. We don't say what we really feel, or do what we really want to do in our lives because we're afraid. For me, I was afraid people didn't love me enough, wouldn't accept me for who I was if I showed them the real me. So I tried to be perfect me instead.

Of course, that plan didn't go so well, I found myself completely wound up in the life I had thought I wanted, with everything I had worked so hard for, but I was unhappy. It wasn't really me who had wanted those things, it was my mother. My friends, my community.

The problem with that life is that although I hit all the targets that I had been programmed to think I wanted, it was never enough. There was always more I had to do to be accepted and acceptable. It was exhausting.

That's when I met Adam. I was totally in love with him, and a big reason for that was, for the first time in my life, I was seeing myself through the eyes of someone who completely loved me. No conditions. I didn't feel a need to be taller, or skinnier, or smarter, or more hardworking or less honest. I was perfect, even in my imperfection. And I felt complete. It was intoxicating.

We all know how that ended, and after losing a love that I thought was never going away it's taken me three years to get back to being able to look at myself even a tiny bit like the way I did back then. But this time everything is much better, because I'm not with a man that I'm in love with. And I'm not looking to "him" (or anyone else) to make me complete. I just am.

I did meet a man who has loved me unconditionally for real. Over the past year, he, his parents and his daughter have taken me in, accepted me and loved me. And that has made a huge difference. And my family has been there through it all, supporting my choices and the changes I've chosen to make in my life.

But what made the biggest difference for me has been realizing that I'm already enough, just as I am. Sure there will always be a need for personal growth and further education, learning never ends. I hope to get a better job eventually, maybe have a family, be able to do a headstand in yoga, learn to speak Italian, become more patient, be a better person than who I am today in many ways. But the Universe is always in control of these things and I believe I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, right now.

And at the end of the day, if we can complete ourself, won't we be so much better able to weather the storms that come from losing friends, losing family, losing romantic relationships. One way or another, these changes will come. And they will hurt. And the people around us will try their best to help us come through the other side. But the only person you know will always be there for you, is you. You might as well learn to love them.