Half of my Heart

I'm an empath. One of my girlfriends always says she owes me thousands of dollars in therapy. Which is probably thanks to the thousands of dollars I've spent in therapy. For Christmas I got three books on being an empath and how to balance it.

I'm not gonna lie to y'all it's a fine line to walk. Caring enough to help but not caring too much that it brings you down with the shipwreck. It's something we didn't think we'd see in out lifetime so thank gawd for the the health care system and all essential workers who keep our country going.

I just don't do things the way a normal person does. I laugh when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad. I can't be half hearted. This epidemic would make anyone either very upset or pretend it's not happening at all. Now children are dying. Not just older people. Don't even get me started on how Trump is trying to kill America. To keep the money rolling in. His own people keep getting sick and dying. Protests in the streets, people killing each other for no reason. History is going back in time, not forward and if you're smart enough you know exactly who I'm talking about.

We're dying here too, but more slowly than a country run by some ego maniac. We're taking it slow. Doing what we can.

I know this is killing the economy. I know people are lining up overnight at food banks. I know as long as we are doing okay, that if I was still JW I would probably be so happy that all the things they told us were finally coming true and paradise was coming. That it's the end of the world as we know it. But that's a bunch of selfish people thinking only about them, not the rest of the world.

Instead, I live with a guy, a dog and a cat. I have no predisposed ideas about getting into paradise at this point. I have a bad immune system so he won't let me leave the house without an M3 N-95 mask. I'm allergic to all fabrics that are synthetic so my allergies kicked in and now I've been walking around with a black eye for 5 or 6 days cause I'm allergic to those masks. Imagine how much fun my Zoom meetings at work have been with a black eye.

Ben is the only one allowed to come over and he does, every day. We have our little quarantine family. Sometimes Lindsay and Declan pop by and we say hi, them on the sidewalk, me out the window. My Taurus doesn't really understand the Pisces. That even a fish can die underwater for so long.

COVID doesn't seem to be going away. Maybe in times like these we should look outside ourselves and find ways to help others. The non profit I work for does not receive government funding or money from the United Way. They rely solely on donations. Our fundraising events for the spring/summer? Not gonna happen.

I know we're all struggling financially, but if you're one of those who aren't, if you're happy and comfortable in life, please think about helping others who need support now more than ever before. Eating disorders are the #2 cause of death out of all mental health issues.

www.sheenasplace.org/donate

We appreciate any support that helps us help other. But don't do anything unless your whole heart is in it. Half of a heart is not going to get us out of this mess, despite the best intentions.

Sullivan out.

Please, please don't leave me.

I can't sleep. This virus is messing with my head. All my friends are kinda depressed. Everyone has lost their jobs, including my boyfriend. You try to stay positive but life has changed so much. You can't go to work, you can't shop, you can't travel, you can't go to a restaurant. Suddenly, you are quarantined in your apartment with your partner, your dog and your cat. You miss your friends, you miss their babies.

But there's really nothing else you can do right now if you want to stay alive. I know I'm one of the lucky ones. I have a place to live and I don't have to live alone. I've had so many health issues my friends are afraid to see me because they might make me sick and I get it. I'm afraid of that too.

I've never missed my dad and my grandma so much. It's like the choice to see them is taken away and you realize you should have gone home more.

Every day, unless I have a zoom meeting at work, there's no reason to get out of your pjs. I think I wore the same tshirt three days in a row this week. Your doctors and therapists only do phone meetings which is fine with me. I thought I hated leaving the apartment until I couldn't.

That's not what bothers me though. My best friend "on the outside" died a few years ago. It was hard for me, harder for her. At least I got to be there on her last night and kiss her goodbye. These days we don't know. Maybe I wouldn't get the chance to be there for someone else like I was for her. So y'all stay safe and alive for me okay? Cause I can't lose anyone else.

In the meantime, all we can do is get up every day and try. My dad is such an advocate for being positive and looking on the bright side.

Suck it up buttercup. Better days are ahead.

Sullivan out.