I've become way too familiar with the hospital. One of my best friends is dying so I spend more than the usual amount of time in palliative care. If I had been normal, maybe this would be easier. Maybe it wouldn't. Having lost so many people though, this is hard.
This is not and never will be about me. It's about her. She was my rock. Yah, Jehovah's Witnesses aren't allowed to be friends with outsiders, but I broke the rules once. We ended up with a 20 year friendship that can never be replaced.
She is beautiful. Even while she's dying. She is funny. She's your perfect girl. Your perfect friend.
I have two voices in my head. First, my mother. My uncle Ken was dying around the same age as my friend and I had to put his cat down. My mother asked me why I would stay and watch it instead of just leaving. It was because I knew I'd get home and he would ask me how it went. And because the kitty deserved to have someone holding her hand while it happened.
The other, stronger voice is my dad. I told him the other day that my mother would not approve of me being there for my friend because it makes me sad. I deal with depression and I know we need to choose our battles. Dad just said: "You're not like her, You're like me."And I'm genuinely happy about that.
I received an email today from the past life. A friend who I really love. The message: Come back to Jehovah. Honestly, if I never hear that name again it will be too soon. I can't do that.
In honour of my wonderful friend, I choose to live life free and honestly. None of us know how much time we have left. So let's live free and die hard. :)
Off to the hospital, have a great night.
Sullivan out.
No comments:
Post a Comment