So long, old friend.

I don't cry anymore. I remember back in the day, after everything happened, Stuart would call me to check in and the first thing he'd ask is, Mahhhhhhhrgaux, do you still cry at your desk?

No. I did yesterday though and I totally got caught. Crying at my desk. I have to say, one of the most difficult things about owning a pet is deciding when to let go. They have great lives. We feed them, pet them, clean up their poo.

But they give us so much back all that shit is totally worth it. Those people who never own pets really cannot be trusted. It's a commitment, similar to having kids, I believe you're in it for the long run once you adopt someone who needs a home.

Cat has been here for 14 years now. And she was already an adult when I got her, so she is very old. The average age they live is 12-15 years. So I got lucky with her. But I was probably a really bad cat-mom so it goes without saying it's no doubt a good thing I never ended up with those kids I so desperately wanted. I'm sure kids are more work than a cat.

She's put up with a lot. Roomates. I married and divorced a guy who really hated cats. She has outlived all my apartments, jobs, boyfriends, friends, even my marriage. She was there when I was kicked out of the j-dubs and completely alone. I cried a lot and barely left the house, but I think she kinda was ok with it because we had lots of cuddle time in bed.

Animals are truly loyal companions, they don't complain, even when they're in pain, which as it turns out, Cat has been dealing with for a long time although I didn't know. Us humans could learn something from them.

I knew the way things were going, but I still wasn't completely ready for the call I got tonight from the vet with her test results. There's nothing they can really do for an 18 year old dying cat. They wanted me to bring her in tonight but I was like, hell no. Give me some time to process this. So they gave me 14 or 15 hours. I could tell them to go eff themselves but she's obviously in pain and suffering and after everything she's given me, I will not make her wait days or weeks to end that for her.

Tonight, we're just at home, cuddling. She knows what I know, and she's not fighting it anymore. She's been crying the past couple of days asking me to take care of this for her. So tomorrow morning I will. But for now, we've got tonight.

Chat Noir, you really are the best cat ever. You will be missed.