Ok, not really but thank you Lady Gaga for my newest theme song.
Actually if I were 19 years old right now my life would make perfect sense. Broke, going to school, working at a bar, I have an online dating profile that I sometimes un-hide just to get a laugh from the comments I get and my imagined responses...but, I also have a demanding full time corporate job, an ex-husband and a fourteen year career of volunteer work for a crazy cult.
But...I'm making progress. I have a stupid weekend job at a bar, which means, soon I'll be able to get my nails done, buy my ridiculously expensive favorite hair products, go to a patio with my friends. Buy shoes. :)
My real job is fantastic right now. My blog is at over 3,200 reads. (Hello, where is my book deal??) I'm going to school. I got an A on my first assignment. I do have two real friends, which was all I asked for when I did my "life goal setting" two New Years ago. I've actually almost accomplished everything on that list. Even losing weight.
The funny thing about me, is that everyone always thinks I'm fine. Even when I'm not. They ask me for a ridiculous amount of "being ok", considering what I've been through the past few years. And even though sometimes I don't think I'm ok, it seems the busier I am, the more I have on my plate, the more difficult things that are asked of me, the better I perform. I could fight this. I've thought about it a lot. I tried to kill myself to get out of it, but it didn't work.
So maybe I'm not destined for glory. But the harder I work, the more possible it is that good things will come my way. Come on Universe, I've paid my dues, it's about time! :)
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