Adele makes me EMO

"Nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don't forget me, I BEG, remember what you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." I heard that you settled down, that you found a girl and you're married now. I heard that your dreams came true. Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you." - Adele

Two months ago, I met someone who, although I would never claim him to be the perfect man, has proved himself over and over again to be a nearly perfect boyfriend. Thoughtful, interesting, outgoing, funny, talented, committed. The list goes on. I honestly think he spends a good chunk of his days just thinking of new ways to make me happy.

So what would be the normal reaction of someone in my situation? Probably thank God they are off the dating scene and settled in with someone so great. What have I done? Celebrated the no drama, caring, nurturing aspects of finally being in a healthy relationship? No, all I do is push him away. Constantly. He tells me that's what I do. And I know his argument is valid. I met all his friends. His mom and her boyfriend at Thanksgiving. I was invited into his life with a VIP pass to intimacy and family.

But when it comes to me, all I do is think about Him. All the time. The one who treated me like shit and used me and disposed of me, like the Tuesday am garbage run in front of my apartment building.

Would it be easier to move on if I thought he was as alone, as miserable, as lonely on the inside no matter how many caring, loving friends are around? I think so. Yet deep down inside the Adele song lyrics (even though I slighly hate her) are a hundred percent true. I want him to be happy. But I want to be happy too. And I don't know how to do it without Him.