One upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was married to a very fortunate young man whose parents LOVED him. They didn't just love him the way all our parents love us, they loved him for who he was. Didn't matter what choices he made, what he did for work, who he married (although no one was keen on me), what opinions he had, what sports he played, they just LOVED him. It probably helped that he was good at everything and had pretty blue eyes.
But he believed strongly (and told me many times) that this is just how the men in his family are. No possibility of change or improvement, and although he seems to regret a lot of things that happened between us (as I do) he can't change.
A correspondance from my mum on the weekend makes me think. Sometimes, our parents only are willing to show their love to us when we fall into the life they wanted for us and be who they wanted us to be. And it's hard. They've been messed up by their parents.
Did Jack show Linda how to love? My guess is not. And I know she loves, and I love her so much. But if you haven't been taught how to show it, is it possible to still really love? And are we destined to follow in our parents footsteps or can we step out and be different?
So much of us is conditioned by the way we were brought up, by circumstance, by our parents. And we can hold onto that, and choose to be a victim of our upbringing.
Or...we can say no.
I hope to be a mother someday. But, in the meantime, I had Vivian. I hope that she knows, no matter what she does, I love her. I dont judge anymore. I'm not my mother, but I'm a lot of my father, and for better or worse (mostly better), I need to realize that, and work with it.
I could have had the Jack Gene too. Some things in life are left to chance. But a lot of life is actually left up to us. And we can choose to blame our parents. Or we can choose to start something new. :)
Very wise insight. Although we don't understand how people can do and say the things they do sometimes, it helps us cope when we remember that unless we walk a mile in their shoes, we really wouldn't know why or how they can do these things. As my dear Polish dad would say, "you don't know where they've been so don't judge them."
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