You have my love to lean on

It's been a tough week. It started last Thursday. I was at work and I started having a panic attack. Lizzie took me outside for some fresh air. I threw up, in the courtyard at my office building. I couldn't stand up. I was so dizzy I was having trouble walking. She took me to the wellness room and I lied down on the floor and tried to breathe. It was hard. Easier though having her there with me. 

I think that your body just can't handle chronic anxiety for so long. It's been five years for me. We live in an age where everyone needs to understand that mental health issues are just as complicated as physical illness.

After I was able to get up and walk back upstairs, I called my therapist and decided to go on medication. Unfortunately, there are side effects. I'd just come off a couple of weeks of pretty severe antibiotics and I don't think my body was ready for this. This happened:

Don't worry, I didn't try to off myself again. It was just an infection. Thank the Universe we live in a world where we have antibiotics, otherwise they would have had to chop my finger off so I wouldn't die. I have a hard enough time dating already, can you imagine if I lost a finger?

But antibiotics are not good for you. So coming into these new drugs has been a battle. I've had all of the "very common" side effects (they classify them into different groups) and haven't been at work in three days. My manager has been extremely understanding because missing three days at my job is a big deal. 

I have to admit, I am so grateful to be in a much different place than I was last time I went through a rough patch. Lizzie and JJ have been here every day, making sure I'm ok, taking care of me. I haven't been taken care of in a long time. We all need that now and then. Someone to lean on. I haven't played you a song in a awhile so here you go. 

JJ thought maybe I should stop the medication because I haven't been writing. I'll admit, the deepest thoughts I've had over the past few days are maybe I should watch Orange is the New Black. And take a nap. 

Then today, this arrived in the mail:

I'm not saying Kyla's necklace cured me. But I feel much better wearing it than I have in over a week. It might be the stones, they are supposed to make you feel calm. It might be knowing that now, whatever I have to deal with, I have good friends to lean on, who will always show unconditional love. They can lean on me too, but right now, I need the support. And they are there. 

Sullivan out.