How much of my mother has my mother left in me? How much of my love will be insane to some degree? I'm worried about this feeling that I'm never good enough will it wash out in the water or is it always in my blood?
How much of my father am I destined to become? Will I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy someone? Will I let this woman kill me or do away with jealous love? Will it wash out in the water or is it always in my blood?
I can feel the love I want. I can feel the love I need. It's never going to come the way I am. Could I change it if I wanted? Can I rise above the flood? Does it wash out in the water or is it always in the blood?
The bloodline, the stars, our past lives, what governs the things that are out of our control? That no matter who we try to be, we repeat the past over and over. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different result. Does that mean we are all insane?
My sister had this book displayed in her apartment "All Families are Insane". I think the insane part is no matter how much we work to make our own families, our bloodlines call to us. It's a temptation that is always there. We want to be loved. Accepted. By them. No mater how many people come along who do and will love us- unconditionally - there is always a part of our heart that is absent, missing, not willing to show up to the party and try. Or maybe that's just me. Would I trade one for the other? Not in a million years. That means I'll never 100% get there.
But more than halfway is good enough for me. The rest, the part that will always be in my blood is broken and you can't call a doctor to fix that. Maybe someday it'll wash out in the water. It's Thanksgiving weekend, be kind to your family. :)
Sullivan out.
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