My therapist says I can't move on until I have closure. Which I can't get because no one will talk to me. So we'll do it this way,
Travis: I love you. I think you are handsome and smart and stupid. Stupid because you didn't stick with me. We could have made it work. I will never get married again. Fuck religion. We are all each other ever needed. But then you married Nicole and it was over.
Erin: I love you. Again, fuck religion. When Armageddon never comes, you will miss me. I miss you every day.
Linda: I love you. Fuck religion. Enough said.
Adam: You are the love of my life. I don't always sleep alone but that doesn't mean I'm not lonely.
I could go on and on, but the reality is, all those other people, the lifelong girlfriends, my bridesmaids, I don't really miss them. I don't feel a need to say goodbye. There are four people I've lost and I miss. Four people who can make you want to end your life. FOUR.
It's crazy isn't it? Because there are so many other people to make you feel happy, to feel full. They will love you for real. They will be there in your times of need. They are worthy of your tears, your laughter. They are the family you wish you had.
Sullivan out.
You are strong. You are brave. Keep on doing what you need to do to get even stronger and braver. xox
ReplyDeleteWell stated Margaux....it's a huge universe out there and you have many more roads to travel, joys to be experienced and love to give and receive, sending some to you right now, xo
ReplyDeleteHi Margaux. I've read your blog on and off for the last 2 years. I'm saddened about your situation, but I'm even more saddened to see how you've failed to take control of the mayhem surrounding your life.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I don't pity you, I don't "wish you well", I'm not sending "good vibes" your way. I'm only concerned that if you don't take full responsibility and drastically change your ways, you'll end up in a dumpster soon.
I think I can help you. My only motivation is to see people fight off adversity. I'm not religious, I don't need money, I don't want sex, and I don't want a relationship. In fact, you have no real reason to trust me but I would opinionate that you have very little to lose at this point. I don't pretend to understand the extent of all of your demons, but I'm certain you can vanquish them.
I offer my help. If you really want peace and happiness, and if you accept my hand, I'll do my best to help you. We can chat soon.