It's been a fucking long winter in Toronto. People are grouchy, and I don't blame them. We haven't seen the sun or felt warm in forever.
Today: 11.5 hour work day? Check. An 8 am and a 5:45 pm meeting? Check. Coming home to eat cold leftover pizza, have a glass of wine and watch Glee? Check.
Still, I can't help but smile. We're almost a week into March people, we will make it to spring. And then, everything will feel better. We can all start complaining about the heat and humidity instead of the cold.
Yes, I obviously had a slight meltdown after my birthday. That's probably normal though, especially when your birthday is at the end of February. I didn't go to school this term, and that probably didn't help, little A-type needs all the extra challenges she can get.
So instead I'm doubling up on my volunteer work and am not only doing the mentor-mentee thing but I've signed up for that committee at work that's planning the mental health week activities. We had a meeting today where we went through a huge spreadsheet of activities. Every time something came up, an article that had to be written, some ad to be created to post on the slideshows we have on the tvs in the elevator banks, I was like, I can do that!
Nope. I didn't get assigned to anything. As I've already mentioned, they asked me to speak about my experiences on the panel, which is their big event, and I thought maybe I could get away with doing something else instead. Apparently not. I went up to the girl who is running the project after the meeting and I said I felt like I got off pretty easy, not having been tasked with any work. She smiled and said that's because we didn't talk about the panel interviews. I was wearing a pretty dress and she looked at me like she was so happy to strike gold with someone who looked so well put together, who could get up there and tell such a messy background story and talk about how they made it back.
Blood, sweat and tears, my friend, that's the magic elixer. Lots of therapy, lots of crying, lots of yoga. Until you get to the point where you can accept the fact that it'll never be perfect. Even those perfect people you know, with the perfect pictures on FaceBook and Instagram, the ones you compare yourself to daily, are not perfect. You can compare yourself to them as much as you want, it's just self-destructive.
If you watched the Oscars (and I know they have become incredibly boring, but I still love them the way you love your high school boyfriend...with rose-colored, years gone by tainted glasses) Matthew McConaughey said something incredibly smart in his crazy acceptance speech, smart for being Matthew anyways. He said in life, you need someone to chase. Someone asked him at 15 who his hero was, and he decided it was him at 25. At 25 they said, are you a hero, and he said no, my hero is me at 35.
I like that idea that we're always chasing the best version of ourselves. It doesn't matter if we catch it, what matters is that we keep chasing. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting through today, and tomorrow and the day after...and eventually spring will come and it will all be unicorns and sunshine and rainbows again. After all, everything is impermanent, right?
Sullivan out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIbXvaE39wM (ps. I love how when I YouTube'd this Pat Benatar, Amy Grant and Concrete Blonde all came up as suggestions on who else I'd like to listen to. Throw in a little G'n'R, some Bon Jovi and it's obvious I'm not really 27. :) )
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