Sunday, 19 January 2014

Shades of Grey

I figured out how to use Instagram. One of my ex's was over for dinner the other night and he said he's going to buy me a book on how to use an iPhone because I am so bad at it. It's ok 27, I'm finally starting to get it. 

So apparently social media is all good with the JWs now, and I couldn't help but take a look at everyone who I used to be friends with who is on there. 

Don't get me wrong, I love all those people. While I respect their beliefs and have long ago come to terms with the fact that we'll never be friends again, I can't help but's a shame. 

Are us "worldly people" really so dangerous that you don't want anything to do with us, even if we have been friends for 20 years or worse...we're your daughter?

I consider myself lucky that my mom and sister are back in my life, but I still have friends who are completely shunned by their families. I don't know why they can't see that being "disfellowshipped" is a technicality. One of my best friends is a wayyyyyy better person than me, inside and out, yet her parents won't even speak to their only child. 

I was lucky, I had a wonderful father and stepmom who coached and encouraged me through all the hard work of getting myself reinstated with the JWs. So in the future (which took 4 years) I could have a whole family again. When I started this blog I named myself Blackbird, because that was what I was. Now, I'm just shades of grey. 

I'm not complaining, grey is better than black, but y'all do realize that I'm no better than anyone who is disfellowshipped, right? I'm probably worse than some of them. I live my life the way I want and I'm completely happy with that. I know y'all read my blog (even though you're probably not supposed to and one of these Tuesdays there will be a "local needs" talk on this), so I have to tell you a secret: life on the outside? Is good. People are good. I have amazing friends. I'm really, really happy and that is something "they" will never tell you and don't want you to believe. 

Besides that one person I truly love, I don't miss the old life at all. I've somehow managed to replace all my old close friends with new ones with the exact same personalities. 

Be open minded for just a minute. What IF, Armageddon never comes. What IF, there's no "new system"? What IF, this life is all we have? Will you regret shunning the people you love the most? Will you regret the fact that your daughter will be shunned at your funeral and you haven't spoken to her in a lifetime? 

Or, what IF, you guys are right? And the new system comes and we're not there? Do you really think you wouldn't have made it there either unless you took these drastic measures to please Jehovah? Wouldn't you want to make use of this time we have now to be together?

We're very happy. We've replaced you with new people. We are NOT coming back. But as far as we're concerned, the door is always open and we will forgive everything that hurt us so much. We don't blame you, we know the pressure that comes with trying to please Jehovah. And that's why we decided not to live with that burden anymore. 

It's a stupid war, with survivors but all of us are damaged. Let's make peace. 

Sullivan out. 

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