Saturday, 28 July 2012

How It Ends

I've been working on a book. I remember discussing it with Tara, and she said maybe you should wait to write it when you know how it ends.

I know how it ends now.

It ends, the same way it started, with love. I'm sure that as unexpected as I was, I came into the world with two parents who loved me very much.

The past few years have been challenging, no doubt about it. But they have brought me to a place I would never have come to, had things been different.

What happened with the JWs, will never go away. Three years of therapy and time that moves on, can't erase a lifetime of memories.

This past weekend was enlightening though, the American came to visit. On Friday, we had my friends over and I have never been so proud to have 5 actual friends. He asked me, quite nervously, what it meant that I had invited "all" my friends over, and I said just 5 people. But 5 is enough, if they are true friends, people you love and you know love you. And will never leave.

He was charming enough, and they all loved him. Saturday, we spent the day with my ex's family. We went sailing on their yacht, swimming, bbq'ing. It was perfect. Until about 4 am when in an effort to completely hide my one bad habit, I went out on the dock for a smoke.

Alone and uncoordinated, I got up from sitting hanging over ther water, reached for my lighter, and...fell into lake Ontario. I was choking and splashing around and I realized something. I want to live.

It was only months ago that I tried to kill myself, now here I was fighting for life. It was impossible to get out of the water alone, luckily I can swim and the people in the next boat woke up and fished me out eventually.

Having him here, I thought about how embarrassing it was to have a mother and sister in the city that I couldn't introduce him to, because they shun me. But my new Toronto family stood up and decided to stand in. I love them so much it's almost silly.

Life is unpredictable, and sometimes unfair. I will never agree with the JWs on the way they treat their children who simply decide to believe in something else. It's harsh and unkind and in my humble opinion, a classic example of how religion uses their power for evil instead of good.

But life, people, are essentially good. I have the best friends now that anyone could ever ask for. My family is amazing. And I hate when the books/movies end this way, but to be honest, I'm in love.

What will happen in the end? I'm not sure. But I'm surrounded by love now, and that's what all of us deserve, desire and strive for in life.

It's a happy ending.